Hi there, it’s been a long time. It’s been 34 years since… well, since I was you. I’m sorry that I’ve taken so long to write but I thought it was time that I contacted you to tell you how life has turned out so far and to try share a little of the wisdom that I’ve gained over the years.
First, I want to tell you that I know how you feel about yourself and I want you to try to learn to love yourself. You really are a very special person and you have a lot to offer. Don’t sit on the sidelines so much. Try new things, take a few risks and don’t be afraid of failure. It’s okay to fall down; it’s okay to make mistakes, just don’t give up. Please stop comparing yourself to others. Learn to like what you see in the mirror or better yet, get a new mirror because you are seeing a distorted image… you aren’t seeing yourself the way others see you. Life will be much easier for you once you learn to do these things. To be honest, 34 years later, you are still working on this but you have come a long way.
I know you are hurting right now. Life seems really hard and it’s not fair. Your parent’s divorce felt like the ground crumbled beneath your feet. All the safety and security of home was taken away from you but you and your brother and sisters will get through this eventually. This event does shape your life in many ways, as does every other experience, but your feet will find stable ground again.
You will someday understand that your parents did the best they knew how to do. Try to spend as much time as you can with your momma and daddy. They will be with you for many years but your momma will go to be with the Lord much sooner than you are ready to let her go. After she is gone, you will think of many things that you want to say to her and there will be many questions you want to ask, so make sure you do that while you can.
Prepare yourself, because life is about to take another drastic change. You will soon be married. I guess you needed to grab onto something after the divorce and this relationship was convenient. In less than a year, you will be a mom… yes, soon after you turn 17; you will become the mom of a beautiful little girl.
I wish I could tell you that life is wonderful from now on and you live happily ever after, but you will experience divorce again… this time, it will be your own. There will be other bad relationships as well. There will also be some very good times. You will have another baby girl in 1984 and a baby boy in 1986. Enjoy your children. They will always be a source of joy and comfort for you.
A part of me wants to warn you of all the situations and people that will cause you pain so you can avoid them. but I know that you must travel the same journey that I’ve already traveled. You will go through times when you don’t want to face another day… but God has His hand on you and He has a purpose for you, so remember this at those times when the depression drags you so deep into those dark pits that you can’t see a way out. Remember this when you go through sleepless nights worrying about your children or about how you are going to get through another day.
Many years from now, when you are 40, God will bring you to a difficult place; A place where you will have to make a decision to either try to continue to live life depending on your own abilities or to depend completely on Him. Remember this scripture: “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). God will use this verse during this time to speak to you. At this point, your life will begin to change in wonderful ways.
I wish I could tell you how to avoid the difficult times and to spare you so many nights of crying yourself to sleep, but if I did that, it would change who I am and where I am today. Although some parts of your life will be hard, it’s this journey which you must travel that will make you the person that God created you to be.
This is what I want you to know about the person you will become. Every hurt, every scar, every experience, good and bad has shaped me into the person that I am today. The journey was not always easy, but even during the bad times; there were wonderful blessings, such as my children. This journey eventually intersects with the path of a wonderful godly man who is now my husband. I know it’s hard right now to think so far into the future but just try to remember whenever times are hard that God has a plan for you and it’s worth every tear and every rough spot in the road.
With much love,
Darlene (50 years old)